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Health & Fitness

San Diego Mayor to Seek Therapy

San Diego Mayor to Seek Therapy:  Amid mounting pressure to resign, embattled San Diego Mayor Bob Filner announced plans to attend two weeks of intensive therapy beginning in early next month.  Yea, Filner’s seeking intensive therapy alright.  What he doesn’t tell you is that it’ll be massage therapy. 

Withdrawn Baboons At Netherlands Zoo Baffle Zoologists:  Zoologists are baffled by the strange behavior of a troop of baboons at a Dutch zoo which have become inexplicably withdrawn, apparently fearful of an unseen threat.  Zoo staff are investigating the possibility that someone in the troop may have received a sext from Carlos Danger.

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NJ Judge Rules Waitresses Can Be Fired For Gaining Weight:  Casino waitresses are effectively "sex objects" and can be fired for putting on too much weight, according to a ruling last week by an Atlantic County Superior Court judge in New Jersey.  Critics say rulings like this are precisely why Chris Christie was never able to fully fulfill his dream of becoming a Chippendales dancer.

Prince George’s Full Name Released:  Nearly two weeks after the future King of England came into the world, Prince George’s birth is finally official as his parents signed the birth register as His Royal Highness Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge.  That sounds a bit long and complicated, but then again, I guess its better than being called Boy George.

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Lincoln Memorial Vandalized:  The Lincoln Memorial was found vandalized when an officer stopped by on patrol and found green paint splattered across the floor and the base of the famous statue of Abraham Lincoln.  Authorities say that while they have no suspects, they have been able to rule out John Wilkes Booth.

Deep Voices Bring Fears of Infidelity:  Evolutionary biologists say that while women find males who possess “deep voices” a real turn-on, those “deep voices” also tend to trigger fears of infidelity.  Men, on the other hand, are more likely to question the fidelity of women who are known to possess “deep throats.”

Pot Plants Worth $85 Million Destroyed On Federal Land:  Authorities said they have eradicated more than 27,000 marijuana plants in the past week with a potential street value of about $85 million on U.S. Forest Service land in Santa Barbara County.  All I can say is, I've obviously been camping in the wrong forests.

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