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Study Finds Surgeons Still Leaving Items in Patients

A satirical look at current events!

Study Finds Surgeons Still Leaving Items in Patients: According to a new study from Johns Hopkins, an alarming number of surgeons are still leaving items inside patients’ bodies after surgical procedures.  Not surprisingly, the item most frequently found was a copy of “Surgery for Dummies.”

Future Architects to Be Trained by Video Games:  Industry analysts say that much of the training that future architects receive will be via video games.  Yea, and those video games will have names like “Grand Theft, Construction Project!”

Obesity in the South:  A new report says that more than 30% of the population of the South is obese.  If this trend continues, they may have to loosen the Bible Belt a few notches.


Oldest Zoo Gorilla Celebrates Birthday At Columbus Zoo: Colo, the first gorilla born in a zoo just turned 56 and celebrated her birthday with some special treats at her central Ohio home in the Columbus Zoo.  The zoo staff said say Colo blew out all the candles and made a wish that Social Security and Medicare will still be solvent by the time she turns 65.

Co-Inventor of Bar Code Dies:  Norman Joseph Woodland, the co-inventor of the bar code that labels nearly every product in stores and has boosted productivity in nearly every sector of commerce worldwide, has died at age 91.  In related news, his family is claiming they were charged the wrong price for his casket.  

Many Americans Say God’s Steering the Economy: According to a national survey being conducted by Baylor, about one in five Americans feel that its really God who is steering economy.  The Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) says if that is the case, prayers may need to be monitored to prevent insider trading.


Former Olympian Turns to Prostitution:  Three-time Olympian Suzy Favor Hamilton says she coped with depression and a troubled marriage by working for the last year as a high-priced escort, charging clients up to $600 an hour.  Sounds like she may have found a surefire path to the gold after all.

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