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Health & Fitness

More Than Just Donuts

A satirical look at current events!

More Than Just Donuts:  A 29-year-old woman working the night shift at Dunkin Donuts faces prostitution charges for allegedly taking breaks from selling donuts and coffee to provide sexual services in exchange for money.  Probably not the smartest idea considering how many of your customers are gonna be cops.

Lindsay Lohan Voting for Romney:  Troubled actress Lindsay Lohan has come out in support of Mitt Romney in this year’s presidential race.  I’m guessing just about the only thing less desirable at this point would be a Lance Armstrong endorsement.

Alcoholic Man Attempts to Sell Wife For To Pay For Booze: The Times of India reports that a 42-year-old Indian man described as an "alcoholic" allegedly attempted to sell his wife for about $110 to pay his drinking bill.  And they say you can’t put a price on love.

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Romney Has Binders Full of Women:  In last last presidential debate, Mitt Romney tied to show his compassion for women by saying he was given “whole binders full of women.”  Well yea, a lot of guys have “binders full of women.”  They’re called Playboy and Penthouse magazine.

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Starbuck’s Locations Always Within Reach:  A new study found that more than 80% of the USA (that’s 250,000,000 people) live within 20 miles of a Starbucks cafe and that almost everyone in the U.S. lives within 100 miles of a Starbucks.  Scientists now estimate that by the year 2025, 75% of the Earth’s surface will be covered by Starbucks cafes.

99 Cents Only Store Coming to Beverly Hills:  Discount chain 99 Cents Only Stores says it is looking for a location on Beverly Hills’ famed Rodeo Drive.  Which makes a lot of sense when you figure that you’ll probably have to shell out about $20 for parking to shop at a 99 Cent Store. 

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Bumble Bee Tuna Plant Employee Cooked in Accident: Authorities are investigating an apparent industrial accident in which an employee was found cooked in an oven at a Bumble Bee Tuna plant.  Company officials are calling it an accident, but something seems just a little fishy. 

Secret Service Officer Arrested After Passing Out:  In the latest embarrassing spectacle for the Secret Service, one of its officers was found passed out-drunk on a Miami street corner less than 12 hours after President Barack left the city following a day trip to campaign.  Fellow Secret Service agents say its disgraceful that an agent would pass out drunk before he had a chance to find himself a hooker.

Americans Ignorant About Nanotechnology:  A recent poll found that most Americans are still largely ignorant of nanotechnology’s existence.  Guess they feel why sweat the small stuff?

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