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Blog: Swedish Lasagna Recalled for Horsemeat

A satirical look at current events!

Swedish Lasagna Recalled for Horsemeat:  A Swedish company is recalling a line of frozen beef-lasagna meals after tests revealed that the product is actually horsemeat.  Guess this gives new meaning to the phrase “I'm so hungry I could eat a horse.”  So my question is, do horses often meander into this meat processing plant without anyone noticing?  

Leafy Greens Leading Cause of Food Poisoning:  Leafy green vegetables such as lettuce and spinach have been found to be one of the top sources of food poisoning, according to a new report released by the CDC.  Apparently the only people who are not at risk are the vast majority of Americans.

Home Depot to Hire 80,000 New Employees:  Home Depot has just announced plans to hire 80,000 new employees.  They almost have to, because like the rest of us, its next to impossible to find where any of their current employees are hiding.

Man Tasered at Buckingham Palace:  A man holding a large knife to his throat during the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace has been tasered and arrested by police.  He might wanna rethink his plans a bit if all he can come up with is to hold himselfhostage. 

Rat-Like Ancestor Link to Man and Beast:  A new science finding says that a lowly rat-like occupant of the fossil record, Protungulatum donnae, had anatomical characteristics for live births that anticipated all placental mammals.  And to think that millions of generations later, we now have Donald Trump.

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Chris Brown Totals Car:  According to his rep, Chris Brown totaled his Porsche after being chased by paparazzi and colliding with a wall in Beverly Hills.  Sadly, Brown survived.  Apparently his car can take a beating better that Rihanna can.

PETA Criticizes Beyoncé for Wearing Leather:  Animal rights organization PETA is criticizing Beyoncé for wearing a leather costume during the Super Bowl halftime show.  I suppose that if there’s anything that could be said in Beyoncé’s defense, it would be that even if she was wearing leather, she certainly wasn’t wearing all that much of it. 

Donald Trump Sues Bill Maher Over Monkey Sex Accusation:  Donald Trump told "Fox & Friends" that he will sue comedian Bill Maher after producing a birth certificate which he claims proves that he was not the spawn of an orangutan, and Maher failed to pay the promised $5 million for that information.  Birth certificate or not, if I were Maher, I’d still demand DNA testing.

Two Great Lakes Hit Lowest Water Level on Record:  Capping more than a decade of below-normal rain and snowfall and higher temperatures that boost evaporation, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers reports that two of the Great Lakes have hit their lowest water levels ever recorded.  Engineers say if this trend continues, they may have to be downgraded to Mediocre Lakes.

Postal Service to Stop Saturday Deliveries:  The financially struggling U.S. Postal Service says it plans to stop delivering mail on Saturdays, but it will continue delivering packages six days a week. On a positive note, this means dogs can pretty much take Saturdays off.

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